As I near my departure date, I grow more and more concerned about my own weaknesses.
Am I spiritually strong enough for this work?
Will I allow fear & worry over my children and husband to consume and cripple me?
Will deep, rooted sin rear its ugly head?
Will the challenges of travel & lack of sleep get the better of me?
Will I adjust and thrive in a new and different culture?
Will I be able to say & do what God asks me to?
Will my pride stifle God's work and purpose for me?
The Lord's calling for me, and the rest of the mission's team, is clear and so I really do NOT want my weaknesses to get in the way of what God wills to do.
So many precious people that we encounter are on their way to Him and so I don't want them tripping over me.
I'm very aware that I am full of pride to even think or worry that any weakness of mine could thwart God's plan. I do trust that His plans never fail and I cling to the faith that in "all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." [Romans 8:28]
However, these are my honest thoughts.
And they are NOT new.
I remember having a very similar struggle when I drove away from the hospital after having each of my children. I felt scared, insecure, and inadequate as a mother and caregiver. I thought and prayed something like this each time,
"Oh God, Oh God! May my weaknesses never get in the way of Your plans for this precious child's life. When on their way to You, may they never trip over me."
I pleaded with God for help, just as I am doing now concerning Cambodia.
And I believe His answer for me then is His answer today:
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." So Renee, "boast the more gladly in [your] weakness, so that [My] power may rest on [you]. For [My] sake, delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when [you] are weak, then [you] are strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
On my own, I will NEVER be strong enough, wise enough, confident enough, or good enough for motherhood or missionary work.
Unlike many situations and circumstances in my past, I cannot pull myself up by my boot straps & will and work myself to success.
I am sufficiently lacking in skill and supply. And my feelings of inadequacies, fearful insecurities, and many other weaknesses make me firmly aware of how much I desperately need Jesus.
And oddly enough, for me it's a beautiful place to be.
A place fully and humbly dependent upon Him.
Friends, our kids will likely have experiences in life where they feel (and are) deeply inadequate. They will have weaknesses that can only be strengthened by the power of Jesus in & through them.
So would you join me today and let's pray they get to that beautiful place where they are fully and humbly dependent upon Jesus.
When my children face difficulties and when they are obedient to Your call, protect them from drowning in the fear of their own weaknesses and inadequacies. When on their way to You, may others avoid tripping over them. May they trust and cling to Your promise that Your power is made perfect in their weakness. And just like Your Scripture promises, when they are called to Your purposes I pray that all things would work together for the good.
And as I am today, may they meditate on and draw peace from the following words in Scripture:
The Lord himself goes before [me] and will be with [me]; he will never leave [me] or forsake [me]. I will not be afraid. I will not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8